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One Woman’s Guide to Feeld, the Alternative Dating App
- Charlotte Shen
After my divorce, I was sitting at lunch with a friend musing to her about how I wished there was a way to be more upfront with men about what I wanted and not seem like a total freak.
I wanted a partner who was game to explore sexually. I wasn’t interested in traditional monogamy and really wanted to play with dominant and submissive roles and energies. I was open to longer term, deep connections-but felt like sexual exploration was a big part of living my best life, and I didn’t want to waste time sifting through Bumble profiles only to casually mention after countless messages that I wanted to play with restraints and group sex.
I found myself immediate swiping left on profiles that indicated they were “Christian” to avoid any religious judgement. (Although I did discover many profiles that said “Christian” or “Conservative” were actually pretty freaky-but I digress.)
My friend mentioned that I needed to check out this app called Feeld , a dating app for singles, couples, kinksters, people exploring, and everything in between. My immediate impression is that it’s a more chill and less hard-core version of FetLife , the popular kink, and BDSM community.
Creating a profile is easy. But if I’m honest, getting matched was a bit overwhelming at first. The sheer number of options that people can choose from in their profile is wild-from every type of sexual preference and identity to every imaginable desire, kink and interest. You’ll find profiles for very casual and random hookups to those looking for deep, long-term relationships and everything in between.
I had more than 2,870 matches within a day of signing up and it took me a month to sort through the list in a meaningful way. Upon matching, you’ll find conversations ranging from the immediate annoying dick pic to those craving intellectual conversations and connection before moving onto the sexual (this is called sapiosexual, I’ve learned).
The thing I find most refreshing about Feeld is the authenticity of the people on the app. Everyone is very up front with what they want, what their interests are, and what they’re looking for from a connection. It’s easy to sift through the matches to find those that interest you.
The other thing that I found is that this alternative community of people are for the most part very “normal.” I’ve met awesome people, from celebrities to neighbors to those who’ve become close friends. There are a lot of very intelligent people on Feeld-and since sexual interest and exploration is a big part of the draw to this app, most people take good care of themselves physically and are mentally aware enough to be open to exploring an alternative app to the usual dating apps.
The other really fun thing about Feeld is that it’s not just for singles. There are a lot of couples on the app who are looking for their unicorns or for group play, and a lot of singles who are looking for well-adjusted couples to play with. I also found that there were a lot of “vanilla” (the kink world’s term for very regular and normal sex) people who were inexperienced and just exploring, wondering what’s out there, like I was. Before finding Feeld, I felt very alone in my desire to explore, but having found this community of souls I now feel very normal. These days, I feel like I’m exploring all the things that people normally just fantasize about.